Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My whole heart is in Afghanistan

Tonight is one of the harder nights of this deployment. 
There isn't a real reason for it other then my heart is just needs James around. 
I am so incredibly blessed to get the chance to talk to him everyday so far. Not only do I get to skype him everyday but I get to skype him twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. 
I know how lucky I am to have that and it has helped the girls and I tremendously but it can never compare to having him home. 
I always knew and appreciated everything he did around the house and with the girls and I tried to make it a point to tell him and let him know that I saw what he did and that I appreciated it but its the small things that make your heart ache and long for the one you love. 
It's the watching him wake up and stroll out of the bedroom wrapped up in his blanket. 
Simply sitting on the couch and knowing he is right there.
Never having to speak a word but always finding comfort in the expression on his face.
Watching him play with his girls.
(which by the way they still do. Aidyn loves to dance and run around for daddy. She makes sure he is always watching)
Rolling over in the middle of the night and being able to touch him.
Listening to him brush his teeth.
Plating up meals for him and the girls
(One of my favorite things to do)
Knowing that if I wanted him to he would go to the store with me whether he wanted to or not. 
Washing his clothes and seeing his shoes in the shoe basket
Smelling his shampoo and body wash fill the air when he got out of the shower.
Buying snacks only he would eat. 
(I miss seeing those in the cupboards)
These are the things you may notice when they are home but they are the things you long for the most when they are gone. 
The list of small things that I miss could go on and on but I don't think I should embarrass him to much.

Today was a pretty good day. I had a little scare with my great grandma but other then that it was a pretty good day.
Not great.
Nothing spectacular happened.
Nothing terrible either.
All in all a pretty good day. So why is tonight so hard?
I got to skype James this morning and tonight. 
Nothing different in that department. 
I miss him more then words can describe every single day.
Yet tonight. Well tonight is just one of those heart ache nights.
It's not the first hard night and I know it is not going to be the last but right now its hard.
Right now I want him home. 
Right now I need him home. 
I need my rock, my best friend, my heart, my world, and the most important one my husband. 
James you are my hero and I love you more with every passing day. 
I can't wait to look back on this and know it is a distant memory. 
I miss everything about you. 

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